Taking care of elderly parents can be complex, rewarding and challenging in equal measure. While doing your best for them isn’t always easy, it's worth it to see them happier and safer.

But just as every family is different, each older parent needs support in a different way. Some older people have significant care needs that mean they’re safest residing in a care home or with a family member. Others can manage well if their adult children pop in to see them regularly to help with cleaning, laundry and shopping.

In this guide to caring for elderly parents, we’ll discuss the ins and outs of looking after an elderly parent at all levels of health and independence. If you’re a carer for your elderly parents, we’ve got tips about support and assistance from the government. If your parents need less support, take a look at our advice about devices and home modifications that can help keep them safer. And if your older parent needs to move to a care home, we’ll discuss some advice about that too.

To dive deep into these topics and more, read on.

Home safety and support: a crucial starting point

One of the very first steps in taking care of elderly parents is making sure their home environment is safe and appropriate. That’s partly because falls pose a serious risk to older people, and they can have long-lasting effects – especially if an older person is unable to get up from the floor for a long time. In fact, according to the NHS, falls are the largest cause of emergency hospital admissions for older people.

Moreover, modifications and adjustments to the home can keep older people independent for longer – which improves the quality of life for both them and the family members caring for them. Try to take advantage of all the devices and physical supports available to reduce risks and empower your older parent. We’ll list some here…

Reducing risks throughout the home

First, it’s a great idea to go through a home safety checklist with your older parent. This type of checklist will remind you to do things like improving lighting in stairwells and tacking down rugs that curl up and wrinkle, potentially causing falls.

Check that room temperatures are in an appropriate range and that your older parent has access to what they need to keep them warm or cool in extreme weather. You might also look into whether they should receive a winter fuel payment.

If your older parent has fallen before, you may want to seek a falls risk assessment. All people who are caring for their elderly parents should also learn what to do if an older person falls.

Lastly, help prevent the dangers of a “long lie” – a period of one hour or more lying on the floor – by obtaining a personal alarm with fall detection. This device can sense when its wearer has fallen and calls for help by itself – meaning that assistance will still be on the way if the wearer is unconscious. That’s especially important to protect older parents who live alone.

Furniture and home modifications

If you’re looking after elderly parents who have mobility difficulties, it’s worth thinking about getting a home assessment from your council. You might then receive recommendations about home modifications you could make – and perhaps some financial help with doing them.

You can also buy different kinds of furniture and tools that can help elderly people get around in their home.

Here are some elements or objects that people who are caring for elderly parents sometimes find useful:

An adapted bathroom with grab bars around the toilet or a standing shower instead of a bathtub
Riser recliner chairs, which help an older person to stand up
Stairlifts
Lifting aids, hoists or bed transfer devices for seniors who need more significant help with moving around – be sure to get proper training on the use of these
Profiling beds, which are like hospital beds for your home

Helpful devices

Lastly, consider the range of gadgets and tools that are available to make life easier and safer for the elderly. These devices can help carers out too because they allow older parents to manage tasks independently.

We’ve put together a list of gadgets that help the elderly live independently. You might want to consider getting your older parent tools such as:

A pill organiser
A smart doorbell
A mobile phone specifically designed for the elderly or people with dementia
A home camera
A key safe, which helps people get inside a home to help in an emergency fast and without kicking down the door
A talking watch for the visually impaired
An SOS watch, which is a type of personal alarm that allows the wearer to call for help by touching just one button
A blood pressure cuff if they have high blood pressure
A burglar alarm.

Keeping your older parent healthy

If you’re caring for an elderly parent, you’re likely working hard to ensure your older loved one remains as healthy as possible. Of course, following a doctor’s advice about any health conditions is the most important thing here. However, there are also some general health steps that are helpful for many older people, their loved ones, and carers.

Diet and hydration

When you’re helping to take care of elderly parents, ensuring that they’re well-nourished can be a challenge. That’s partly because older people’s nutritional needs are different from those of younger people.

You’ll want to watch out for potential malnutrition, loss of appetite or dehydration in your elderly parent. These are especially significant concerns for seniors with dementia who may forget or not want to eat or drink. In this situation, look into solutions like Jelly Drops, a sweet with a very high water content that helps elderly people with dementia stay hydrated.

Your parent’s doctor might also recommend that they follow a specific diet designed to lower blood pressure or address another health concern. People with conditions like Parkinson’s disease might also require special diets that are safer for chewing and swallowing.

Serve an elderly person with a small portion so they don’t feel overwhelmed and offer them more once they have finished. If their meals are colourful, nutritious and look good on the plate, they might eat more. You can also leave easy-to-open, healthy snacks and drinks within reach.

If your parent can use the microwave or the oven, bulk cook and freeze some meals. Then they can heat them up at mealtimes. Meals on Wheels is also a good choice if you're struggling to find time to cook for an elderly relative.

There's also a lot of equipment available that can help you at mealtimes. You can buy things like non-spill cups, light or easy-grip cutlery, tap turners and bottle or jar openers.

Lastly, don’t forget to check medication labels to see whether they should or shouldn’t be taken with food. Some medications also can’t be taken shortly before or after certain types of food are eaten. For example, some antibiotics don’t work as well when taken with milk. Be sure to check with your pharmacist or doctor if you’re not sure what to do.

Physical activity

It’s immensely important for older people to stay as active as possible so that they maintain strength and balance. Moreover, exercise can reduce risks of illnesses like type 2 diabetes and mental health troubles like anxiety and depression. It can also help them to sleep better.

Even small exercises that are done at home can make a difference. An older parent who finds it difficult to stand can do seated exercises, too.

If a parent is able to go outside, gardening and being in nature can be very healthy for mind and body. When your older parent is alone outdoors, it’s a good idea to get a GPS personal alarm so they can be found in case an emergency occurs. This can also be useful if your loved one has dementia, which can cause wandering.

Don’t hesitate to seek out mobility aids if necessary, such as wheelchairs, walking aids or even accessible vehicles. You’ll want to ensure they’re properly fitted and adjusted to your parent’s dimensions. If you’re looking after elderly parents who don’t have mobility aids and need them, talk to their GP to see if you can get these aids via the NHS.

Mental activity

Playing games and doing crosswords or puzzles is a great way of keeping the brain active, and it might even help counteract cognitive decline. It's great if older people can play with others, but these kinds of activities will also be beneficial if they are on their own. Meditation can play an important part in reducing stress and anxiety in older people too.

If you’re caring for an elderly parent with dementia, albums with old postcards and photos are a good way to help trigger their memories. Take a look at our list of dementia-friendly activities for more ideas. Remember that when you’re having fun with a parent with dementia, it’s important to focus on the journey rather than the destination. In other words, it’s okay if your parent loses interest in the activity or does it slowly or inefficiently. Simply enjoy the time that you are spending together.

Encourage family and friends to visit or keep in touch by phone. If your loved one is confident you can also teach them to make video calls. Well known charities might also have befriending services that can arrange to call or visit your loved one.

Social activity

Socialising is just as important for older people, if not more so. Our blog post on creating a support network for the elderly provides a number of tips on how seniors can form social connections.

When your parent needs a carer

If you’re seeking care for elderly parents who are struggling with living independently, getting a care needs assessment should be your first goal. In this assessment, someone from your parent’s council will investigate whether they need more support with daily tasks.

The care needs assessment will recommend what assistance your parent needs. It might also lead to an assessment of your older parent’s finances, which will dictate whether they can receive any free services.

If your parent unexpectedly needs care, such as after an illness or injury, see our post on emergency home care for the elderly.

When you are your parent’s carer

If your parent does not receive full-time care for free, you may decide to step into the role of carer.

In this situation, you’ll want to fully investigate what benefits are available to you – and what the consequences of claiming those benefits will be. For example, if you claim some benefits as your parent’s carer, your parent may lose other benefits.

A key benefit you’ll be concerned with will be carer’s allowance – see our guide on how to apply for carer’s allowance. Your parent may be entitled to attendance allowance. Again, be sure to familiarise yourself with the rules around both of these benefits. The good news is that carers are now entitled to carer’s leave.

With carer’s allowance, there are limits as to how much you can work or how much you can earn. If you prefer to continue working more hours, it can be difficult to juggle working full-time and caring for an elderly parent. Take a look at our post describing supports that are available to carers. You may want to take advantage of services like respite care so that you can take a break for your own mental health.

Also, don’t forget to use technology whenever possible to lighten your load. For example, a smart home device might be able to do some tasks that you would otherwise have to do, like adjusting lighting for your parent’s comfort or reminding them of appointments.

A personal alarm can also be a critically important tool for older parents who need care. While we may think of personal alarms as being for seniors who live independently, they are also a great second layer of protection for older people who have carers.

For example, an older parent who gets up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet could fall and become unconscious without anyone knowing, even though their carer is sleeping just down the hall. But an alarm with fall detection would alert the carer, keeping the older person safe. In this way, alarms allow carers to rest easy, knowing that they won’t miss an accident that occurs while their attention is elsewhere.

When your parent needs the highest level of care

Generally, older people prefer to remain living independently in their own homes. Often, supports and technology can help them to do this for longer. But sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, a move to a care home is the safest option. This can be a tough decision for adult children, especially if they have promised their parent that they won’t have to leave home.

Children can also face challenging and heart-wrenching situations when their parents develop advanced dementia. They may end up having to make decisions when their parent loses mental capacity.

Why lasting powers of attorney are so important

When you’re taking care of elderly parents with dementia, you might assume that, as their carer, you have the ability to make decisions for them. But that’s not necessarily the case. Ideally, you want to have lasting power of attorney in this scenario.

It is of the utmost importance that an older person with dementia makes a lasting power of attorney while they are still in the early stages of the disease. Creating a lasting power of attorney is a fairly easy process, but it must be done while the older person still has mental capacity to make the decision.

If you’re helping an elderly parent who has already lost mental capacity, you can no longer get power of attorney for them. You will instead have to apply to the Court of Protection to become their deputy. See our post on creating a lasting power of attorney or becoming a deputy to learn more.

About moves to a care home

As we’ve mentioned, a move to a care home can be tricky for a senior, especially if they don’t want to leave home.

If an older person has mental capacity and doesn’t want to move to a care home, you can try options like day centres that provide care just during the day. Some care homes will let older people stay for a short while to see whether they like it or to give their carers a break. You could offer this to your parent and see whether they find they actually like the care home.

For more about moves to a care home, see our posts on:

The emotional side of caring for elderly parents

It’s natural for adult children to want to protect and care for their parents. But as a parent’s needs increase, caring for them can become more and more difficult for the carer. Adult children may feel that they have a duty to care for their parents just as their parents cared for them as babies, so it can be painful to realise that an older parent is no longer safe living at home.

Adult children can also struggle with feeling trapped in caring for their elderly parent. Caring for elderly parents can be very time-consuming. Yet caring can be immensely rewarding, too.

These strong and conflicting emotions are just one reason why it’s so important for people caring for their elderly parents to take time for their own mental health and self-care. That might include discussing their thoughts with someone else such as a therapist or friend.

When family tensions arise around elderly care, interpersonal skills like communication and boundary-setting become paramount. You may need to set boundaries with your elderly parent, laying out what you will and will not do. If siblings are caring for an older parent together, strong communication skills are necessary to ensure that everyone understands everyone else’s expectations. And when older parents move into a child’s home, both boundary-setting and communication are essential to stave off conflicts.

A key to good elderly care: support, support, support

Being a caregiver to elderly parents can be tough. That’s why adult children caring for older parents need to take advantage of every possible support that’s available. That includes financial and care support from the council, volunteer help, assistance from technology, and services from charity organisations.

Personal alarms for the elderly can help too. Fall alarms and one-touch alarms can protect older people, whether they live alone or have a carer. These devices also provide peace of mind to adult children of older parents. So, when you’re working hard on taking care of your elderly parents, consider getting a personal alarm with GPS, a simple fall detection alarm or a dementia tracker to help lighten your load and keep your loved ones safer.

To learn more about which option might suit you best, get in touch with us at SureSafe via phone at 0808 189 1671 or through live chat. You can also request a call back.

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Caring for Elderly Parents: The Ultimate Guide