Hospital stays often become more common the older we get. There are a range of health issues more prevalent in older people which require continuous monitoring, such as stroke and heart problems. Falls and fractures may also call for a recovery period with medical care nearby.

If your elderly parent has to stay in hospital, it’s only natural that you might want to stay with them. Hospitals aren’t the most comforting of places and it can be reassuring to have someone nearby to help with small tasks or call for help if needed. Even if your parent doesn’t insist, you might feel it’s your responsibility as a child or caregiver.

Whether or not you’re allowed is another question, unfortunately. Hospital policies can vary and there are some valid reasons for not letting people stay. In this article, we’ll run through the different factors that come into play, some practical considerations and even alternatives if nobody can stay.

Your reasons for staying are valid

First things first, we understand that there are lots of reasons why you would want to stay in hospital with an elderly parent. Leaving someone you care about in an unfamiliar environment is never nice and they might express their desire for you to stay too.

Emotions aside, it can often be the best choice for their care too. With many hospital wards busier than Oxford Street at Christmas, you can make sure your parent doesn’t have to wait around for quick things like drinks, snacks and other requirements. Additionally, you can keep track of things like medication and general care to avoid any slip-ups, which can be difficult for patients to do when they’re not in the best condition.

In some cases, the hospital might want you to stay as well. The carer of an elderly parent is better equipped to deal with the complex care requirements of specific health issues. This includes things like brain injuries, quadriplegia and dementia, for example. Nurses won’t say this explicitly as they don’t want to worry anyone about their capabilities – but it’s only natural that you’ll know your parent’s condition, preferences and idiosyncrasies better than any nurse ever could.

But hospitals’ policies are valid too

It’s also worth noting that there are sometimes valid reasons for you not to stay, too. While this can be difficult to accept in such a stressful situation, hospitals have valid reasons for not wanting people staying overnight. These include:

Limited space – Not all hospital wards and rooms are designed for guests to stay overnight. Even if there is room for you to sit or sleep, it may obstruct carers in the night, putting them in a difficult situation.
Infection control – Having more people in a space naturally increases the risk of infections being spread. Your parent might say they are fine with this risk, but it’s also about other people on the ward.
Noise and privacy – Other patients have a right to privacy and, especially at night, quiet. There’s no way hospitals can guarantee overnight guests will keep the noise down, which could put them in another difficult position.
Security concerns – Again, hospitals don’t need more things to worry about. Having more people requires more monitoring with things like access to restricted areas, so it’s often easier to prohibit overnight stays.

What to do if a hospital says “no”

If the hospital doesn’t let you stay overnight, it’s natural to feel frustrated. While you may want to argue your case, it’s worth remembering how busy hospitals are – particularly in the NHS. With so much to manage, it’s much simpler for them to standardise things like visiting policies rather than making exceptions on a case-by-case basis. Once they let one person have an overnight visitor, they’ll have a queue of others to deal with.

All that said, you should always check for sure before heading home for the night. Speak to a bedside nurse about the ward policy for overnight stays. Remember that this can vary not just by hospital but also by the specific ward you’re on. If you feel it’s necessary, you can ask to speak to a senior nurse, nurse manager or patient liaison officer.

When making your case, it’s worth mentioning any reasons why your presence is important. Hospitals are more likely to approve an overnight stay if you are supporting a patient rather than just visiting. Reasons include:

You are the primary carer for your parent
Your parent has dementia or other mental conditions
You need to translate or advocate for your parent

Alternatives to staying with your elderly parent

If “no” really does mean “no”, there are still some measures you can take to provide peace of mind for yourself and your elderly parent. One is to ask about emergency accommodation on-site. Some hospitals have this in place for the relatives of particularly unwell patients, and they may have space available to keep you nearby.

If you want to be as near as possible, you can check for nearby hotels. Obviously, this is an extra cost that may be too much for some people – but it’s a useful option to cut down travelling time if you live too far away from the hospital. Check accommodation rental platforms like Airbnb too, as there might be homes or rooms to rent closer to the hospital than the nearest hotel (and for a lower price).

Another practical option is a personal alarm. When you leave someone in hospital, one of the biggest worries is that the staff will be too busy to get to them in an emergency. This is something that may worry your parent too. Even though hospitals have call systems in place, you can’t guarantee that someone will respond as quickly as you would.

A personal alarm like the SureSafeGO allows your parent to call you or other family and friends with one touch of a button. You can choose from a pendant or a watch so it’s always on their person, providing added assurance for both you and your elderly parent.

What to do if you’re allowed to stay

Having said all of the above, many hospitals do allow overnight stays. That’s especially true when patients are elderly, vulnerable or in palliative care. Here are some things to bear in mind when you’re staying with an elderly parent overnight...

Sleeping arrangements

Camp beds, recliners and fold-out chairs are sometimes provided for private rooms. You should also ask if family rooms are available for staying overnight.

However, more often than not, overnight stays at the hospital mean sleeping in a chair. This means that you might not get much sleep at night and the sleep you do get will be poor quality. Neck and back pain come as standard, which can make a difficult situation worse.

Overnight environment

It might be nighttime, but you should still be mindful that you are in a workplace. There will almost always be a fixed lights-out time, but nurses are busy throughout the night. They may have to undertake observations or procedures which will wake your parent as well as you. You may also be sharing a ward with disruptive, loud or even frightening patients.

Staying in vs. going home

Even if you’re allowed to stay, don’t feel like you have to every night. If your parent is happy for you to go home, you may be better off getting a good night’s sleep. Getting proper rest can give you a mental break, allowing you to care for them better over time.

Sticking to the rules

You should also ask about any rules hospitals have with regards to staying overnight. These typically include:

Quiet hours when you shouldn’t take phone calls and only watch TV with headphones
Only one person at a time during nighttime hours

It’s important to respect these rules, especially if you’re being allowed to stay as an exception to the hospital’s usual policy.

What to take

You’ll probably be checking every day (or more) if your parent needs you to bring anything to hospital for them. But if you’re staying overnight, it’s important to take a few bits for your own comfort too:

A lightweight blanket and pillow can help you make the best of a bad sleeping situation
Toiletries like a toothbrush, deodorant and moisturiser – hospitals can be surprisingly dry!
Drinks and snacks
A phone charger and portable power bank
A book, magazine, tablet and headphones
Pyjamas, slippers and a change of clothes
An eye mask and earplugs
You might also want to take a notebook and pen to write down doctors’ instructions, medication details or your own questions

Personal alarms for peace of mind

SureSafe specialises in personal alarms for the elderly, which aim to provide more peace of mind for wearers and their loved ones. If your elderly parent is staying in hospital, a personal alarm gives them the reassurance that you’re within reach at the touch of a button.

For elderly parents returning home, our personal alarms are complete with a range of features like fall detection and GPS tracking to improve safety and facilitate independence.

To find out more, call 0808 189 1671, use our live chat or request a call back.